Two Faced Chef

::Throws dust on fire::

and now for the tale of the transforming chocolates……

OK, PLEASE tell me at least one of you have seen Are You Afraid of the Dark?  For all of you non-watchers, it was a show on Nickelodeon that still haunts me to this day.  Basically, a bunch of kids would sit around a campfire, tell a “tale” about something scary, and once the story started, it would cut to terrible actors acting out the scenes. 

Now what does this have to do with chocolate, you may ask?  Well the following is a recipe that can be made into both a bark and clusters, what I like to call a “chameleon”.  This brought back the memories of the SCARIEST episode of the show, with Tia and Tamara from Sister Sister, the only episode without a happy ending.

I hope you all can still sleep tonight.

Ingredients:

Wanna know what’s not fun?  Buying shell-on pistachios by mistake when baking cookies and having to shell them all.  This is why I need a kid.  They are perfect for entertainment, chores, and especially peeling pistachios.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spread pistachios out on an ungreased cookie sheet.  Toast for about 5 to 7 minutes, watching carefully.  They burn easily.  You can tell when the nuts are toasted because they will brown slightly and you will begin to smell them.  Remove from oven and let cool. 

This little mixture is NOT safe around me.  Not at all.

Combine nuts and cranberries in bowl; set aside.  Line cookie sheet(s) with waxed paper.  Temper chocolate or melt candy melts.  Combine chocolate and nut/cranberry mixture. 

These are the clusters BEFORE they have hardened.  Resist the urge to steal a chocolate covered pistachio.  Resist!

For clusters: drop by rounded teaspoonful onto cookie sheets.  Continue until you use up all of chocolate mixture. You will need several cookie sheets.  Refrigerate until set, about 25 minutes. 

When the chocolate is still wet, it is slightly reminiscent of sludge.  Just saying.

For bark: spread mixture onto one cookie sheet.  Tap cookie sheet against counter to spread chocolate out into a thin, even layer. Refrigerate until set, about 25 minutes.  Break candy into irregular-shaped pieces.  Store bark and clusters in an airtight container at room temperature.  Makes about 2 pounds.

**Chocolate melting wafers, also known as candy melts and confectionery coating, are a very easy to use chocolate substitute. I prefer the Merckens’ brand and it is available in many candy and craft stores.

 Oooohhh Shiny.  See now this is when I DON’T want kids.  Because then I would have to share.  And be pregnant.